The Power of Acceptance

03Apr06

We cannot change anything unless we accept it.
Condemnation does not liberate, it oppresses.

-C Jung

I’ve been dealing with these headaches and migraines for 23 years now, but I’ve only just started to finally really feel at home in this broken down body. I don’t know exactly why things clicked the way they did, but it feels as though another, perhaps final, piece shifted into place, and a more well-rounded acceptance finally happened.

Acceptance isn’t really an event, it’s a process. I’ve made significant progress over the last several years in accepting this illness and it can be a very difficult thing to do. We’re taught all our lives to push past our limits and better ourselves, and that when something is ‘wrong’ you need to fix it. When you accept you can’t fix what’s ‘wrong’ with you, it can feel like you’re giving up. Nobody wants to feel that way, and many of us fight that path. I stopped fighting it and I’m so glad I did. But still, there was something missing.

I think the latest piece of the puzzle was this last bit of uncertainty that was left, hovering over me making me wonder what was going to become of me. I don’t know for sure if I will ever be able to get back to work, full or part-time. It kept me in this perpetual state of what felt like limbo. Limbo is a very unproductive place. A conversation with my doctor last month finally revealed that no, she does not know if I will ever be able to go back to work. That was the first time that kind of finality about the situation has been approached, much less said out-loud.

All of a sudden I felt like I was relieved of chasing the incredibly elusive someday when things would get back to normal, or at least much better, and I would get back to work. Even though the current state of my health made that day seem eons away, it felt like I was always waiting for it. Limbo. When she told me she didn’t know if I would ever get back to work I thought I’d feel depressed. Instead I felt free!

It doesn’t feel freeing that I cannot work. It’s freeing that if it turns out I cannot go back to work in the future, it no longer feels like a catastrophe. I feel quite fortunate that the last few years have shown me that I can take care of myself. I’ll be alright and I know I’ll find a way to make my life fulfilling if I can’t work.

“This body will constantly betray me” sums up how I used to look at my illnesses and what they were doing to my life. Another migraine was always lurking, ready to pounce and wrestle the day from me. Depression was always just biding its time until my neurotransmitters crapped out again. What I didn’t see was that this body, this psyche, also always carried me through safely to the other side every single time. In the last few years I’ve discovered I have more courage than I ever thought possible.

I don’t feel like a victim anymore. I don’t “suffer from” anything these days. I deal with a couple of illnesses and I’m getting better at it as time goes on.

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6 Responses to “The Power of Acceptance”

  1. This is really a grea post. You’ve really hit “acceptance” on the head here. In our support group for anxiety and mood disorders, many express their struggle to accept. But so many have identified acceptance as the turning point in their Recovery.

    In my own life, I find my acceptance always being tested. Sometimes there are new things to learn to accept. I will share your writing on acceptance with our groups. I think it will be appreciated by many people.

    Thanks.

  2. 2 Liza

    This is quite a up-to-date information. I think I’ll share it on Twitter.

  3. Кто что думает как долго будет продолжать эта невыносимая жара?

    • 4 katy

      Я не знаю… но он охлаждал здесь значительно…

  4. I’m not that much of a online reader to be honest but your sites really
    nice, keep it up! I’ll go ahead and bookmark your site to come back in the future. All the best


  1. 1 Constant Headaches | Home Remedies Log

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